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Marital Woes...

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Post by TraumaMamma Sat Jun 14, 2008 4:39 pm

Plime is down, although I haven't been posting much. Trying to work on my marriage after I found out TraumaPappa had a one nite stand with a woman when he was out on a gig.

He admitted it to me after a month, and went to our pastor and a counselor before he told me, I give him credit for that.

Rather than retype...

But, I am mad, upset and we have alot of work to do.

Although we have had many discussions, one thing that he said is he realizes he is selfish. I knew he was a martial artist and I enjoyed watching him teach and go to tournies. His drumming dream came out during our marriage. Although I would never ask him to, he said if I ever made him give up the band, he would divorce first. Which makes me feel not so special.

I wouldn't ever ask him as I had to quit my full time medic job to appease my ex cop husband as he hated that I loved it so much and had to work overtnite. I resented him for it and I get what my husband is saying, but I just don't feel that I should BE below a hobby, either.

I won't post this stuff on plime, (it is a public site and he has read stories there on occasion) but hope that some of you will wander here and maybe see this and maybe I can get some ideas.

I am hurting, big time. He pulled this on a nite I was in a major funk with my daughters upcoming wedding. Rather than come home to me after the gig, he was mad I didnt show up at all and bedded another woman and lied to me about it.


Last edited by TraumaMamma on Mon Dec 01, 2008 7:50 pm; edited 1 time in total

Number of posts : 21
Age : 58
Registration date : 2007-11-24

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Post by i.n.y. Mon Jul 28, 2008 11:52 pm

Oh, TM! ((((((((TM)))))))))

I'm so sorry!

I don't know what to say, but I'm here if you need to talk.

The best way to get ahold of me is

I'm so sorry, Donna. I wish I could take the pain away, or make it so it never happened. I'm so sorry.


Last edited by imnotyoo on Mon Oct 13, 2008 9:19 pm; edited 1 time in total

The Upkeeper

Number of posts : 10
Registration date : 2007-11-23

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Post by suebe Fri Sep 05, 2008 6:06 pm

I just wandered over here today for the first time in months. I had no idea you were going through all of this. It sux big time and I hope that now, 2 months later, things are better.

Email me at my private mail if you need to talk.

Number of posts : 73
Registration date : 2007-11-24

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Post by TheBlueFrog Sun Oct 26, 2008 3:30 pm

Hi TM, I'm so sorry to hear about your problems.

I'm sure that you have already done most of the things that I am going to suggest, but I'll say them anyway.

The first thing you need to decide is if you want to fix it. I know it sounds harsh, and it's a big decision to be made, but given your history (gleaned from reading the post at the link), I'm certain that this is not something that you will get over. If you decide that you do not want to fix this, it's not necessarily a bad thing. It doesn't make him a bad person, although he did a bad thing, it just means he's not the right person for you.

If you decide that you do want to fix it, you need to ask him why. Does he feel that you aren't a part of his life anymore? It could be possible that it has almost nothing to do with you as a person, wife, or woman. If it's something that he does, if maybe he has decided that he can't commit to one woman, then maybe he's not the right one.

You also need to find out if it's something that he wants to fix. He did take the first steps, and got counseling, and admitted it to you. That; however, does not necessarily mean that he wants to fix the marriage, he could just be doing it to assuage his guilt.

I know a lot of the things sound negative, but the thing that you need to think about first here is you. You don't need to make decisions about him and his feelings, he has already set the game up like that, you need to first think about you, and then go from there.


Number of posts : 3
Registration date : 2008-10-26

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Post by tgkprog Mon Jan 26, 2009 11:28 pm

Sad( am sorry. i sometimes think what will happen if Ela was to have an affair. it hurts just to think about it. i hope u work things out and he gets u flowers and loves u more, forever


Number of posts : 12
Registration date : 2009-01-26

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